She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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