Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
