just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
