I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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