i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
