that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
