i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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