College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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