My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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