I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
