i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
