you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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