You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
