I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
