Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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