Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
