Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
