I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
