You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
