he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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