Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
