now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
