Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
