Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize