belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
