my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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