It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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