ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
