I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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