I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
