he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
