I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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