i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize