I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
