are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
