i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
