he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
