New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
