K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
