She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
