it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
