My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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