I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
