The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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