come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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