her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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