I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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