I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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