He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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