you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
