Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
