We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
