dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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