I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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