Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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