I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
