I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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