omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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