I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
