Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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