You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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