At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
