My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
