When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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