That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just pee around me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
