Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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