Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
