i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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